So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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