yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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