I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
only if we run a train.
done.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
