Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I love how my cats smell like pot.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Randomize
