I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
where am i from again
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I cut my penus on the lid.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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