i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
