I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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