what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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