i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
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