So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Randomize
