my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
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