Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I think my moral compass just broke
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize