I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
