how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
