I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
