not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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