i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
