Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
