I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
