Little spoons don't ask big questions
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize