sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
FUCK WHALES
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
