and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
