that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
i drank out of a bidet.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
