There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
pray to the hookup gods
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
