What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize
