How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
