Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
