so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
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