Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
