she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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