It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
