whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
