i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize