captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
