its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
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