i would punch a child for taco bell
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
