No stitches, just platelets and will power
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Houston, we have a squirter
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Randomize
