ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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