I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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