When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
