I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize