in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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