even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize