I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
