Do you still have your period?
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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