Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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