we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize