There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
