I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
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