I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
