I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
