check it out our google latitudes are spooning
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
