I think scott just propositioned me for sex
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
