it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize