You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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