Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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