you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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