was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Randomize
