considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
