"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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