woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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