I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
