nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize