I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
try to milk me bitch
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
