Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
