2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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