We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
