People with herpes should wear stickers.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
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