I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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