goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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