You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
