Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
