Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize