So drunk its hurt
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
