I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
