Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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