i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
