And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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