Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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