The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
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