you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
