Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize