i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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