I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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