She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Of course I have a pirate flag
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
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